The DC Movie
by Daniel Fielder
Summary: Kryptonian, Clark Kent, goes to Hollywood to follow his dream of making people happy, picking up friends along the way, leading to the group being chased by Malcolm Merlyn who wants to use Clark for his own money making commercial schemes.
1. The First Screening

Here's an idea I've had for awhile, so please keep an opened mind.  
Disclaimer: The Muppets belong to Jim Henson and Disney, and the DC Characters I use belong to the CW, Warner Brothers, DC Comics, and their respective creators.

* * *

**The DC Movie**

Prologue: The First Screening

It was a bright shiny day at WD studios. A car drove up to the gate guard.  
"Hello, I'm Slade." Slade Wilson said.  
"I'm Lawrence." Lawrence Crock added. "We're here to heckle The DC Movie.  
"Gentlemen, that's straight ahead." The guard said. "Private Screening Room B."  
"Private screening?" Slade asked.  
"Yeah, they're afraid to show it in public." Lawrence replied as the two laughed.  
They then drove onwards.  
"Look at this place." Slade said. "What a dump."

In the screening room, Lois Lane, one of the stars of the movie, was talking to some of her friends.  
"Yeah, I know, it was great." Lois said with a smile as a robotic man named John Corben appeared.  
"Hey lady, is this seat taken?" John asked as he pulled the seats next to Lois away.  
"Hey you, bring that back!" Lois shouted out.  
"Oh man, I'm so nervous." John Blake, another star said. "If I'm not funny, I won't be able to live with myself."  
"Well then, you'll have to get another apartment, won't you?" Emil Hamilton said with a smile. As John smiled too at the joke.  
"You know, I heard that this movie is dynamite." Oliver Queen, a supporting actor in the film, said with a smile.  
"Popcorn!" A supporting actor named Barbara Gordon said. "Fresh organic popcorn, only a buck."  
"Oh honey, buy me some, please?" Selina Kyle asked her boyfriend, Bruce Wayne.  
"Oh sure." Bruce said. "Nothing's too good for my woman."  
"Whoo!" The excitable Thea Queen called out. "This is gonna be awesome!"  
"Calm down, Thea." Laurel Lance said with a sigh.  
"Well I like the movie fine, so far." Slade said.  
"It hasn't started yet." Lawrence pointed out.  
"That's what I like about it." Slade added with a smirk as the two laughed.  
Clark Kent, the host for the screening and one of the stars of the film walked down as he was stopped by Sam Lane.  
"Clark, does this film have culturally redeeming values?" Sam asked.  
"I certainly hope so, Sam." Clark said before turning to his girlfriend and co-star. "Hey Lois."  
"Hey Clark." Lois said. "I tried to save you a seat, but someone took it."  
"No worries." Clark said as he got in front of everybody. "Okay everyone, welcome to the first screening of the DC Movie."  
Everyone cheered.  
"Now before we begin, I'd like to give thanks to everyone who made this film possible. Starting with the hair dressers to the costume designers and-"  
"Clark, I don't think speeches are necessary." Lois pointed out. "We can just watch the credits at the end. Roll the film."  
"Well I just wanted to thank-" Clark began when Thea began shouting.  
"ROLL THE DARN FILM!"  
"Okay, okay." Clark said calmly. "Roll the film!"  
Clark then sat down to his younger brother, Conner, who looked just like him.  
"Hey Clark, is this how you guys really got started?" Conner asked.  
"Well it's approximately what happened." Clark said with a smile as they turned to the screen.

* * *

I know some of you will be angry with me mixing Muppets and Smallville and Arrow, but I figured on giving it a shot, so don't be afraid to tell me what you think. Just please keep it PG.


	2. The Rainbow Connection

Chapter 1: The Rainbow Connection

Clark Kent was relaxing in his family farm as he played a banjo and relaxed.  
_Why are there so many songs about rainbows  
and what's on the other side?  
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,  
and rainbows have nothing to hide.  
So we've been told and some choose to believe it.  
I know they're wrong, wait and see.  
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.  
The lovers, the dreamers and me._

Who said that every wish would be heard  
and answered when wished on the morning star?  
Somebody thought of that and someone believed it.  
Look what it's done so far.  
What's so amazing that keeps us star gazing  
and what do we think we might see?  
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.  
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

All of us under its spell. We know that it's probably magic.

Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?  
I've heard them calling my name.  
Is this the sweet sound that called the young sailors?  
The voice might be one and the same.  
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.  
It's something that I'm supposed to be.  
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.  
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

As Clark finished singing, he heard a voice call out for help. He walked up to the large river beside his house and looked as a man came by on a boat.  
"This is a serious call for help here!" The man shouted out. "You with the banjo!"  
"Yeah?" Clark asked. "What do you need?"  
"I have lost my sense of direction!" The man said.  
"Have you tried Harry Fisher?" Clark asked.  
"No, I mean I'm really lost." The man said.  
"So where do you wanna go?" Clark asked.  
"Out of this state." The man said. "I've gotta catch a plane."  
"Oh." Clark said. "So you need to find the airport. It's just downstream."  
"Thank you." The man said.  
"Just watch out for the alligators." Clark warned.  
"Right." The man said. "Wait, alligators?! Did you say alligators?"  
"Read my lips." Scott said plainly. "Alligators."  
"It's just that I'm not used to alligators where I'm from." The man said. "You see, I'm an agent from Hollywood."  
"Hollywood?!" Clark said in awe. "Did you say Hollywood?!"  
"Read my lips kid." The man said. "Hollywood. You know. The dream town. Hey, don't you ever see the movies."  
"Oh yeah." Clark said. "There's a double feature in town every Friday."  
"Hey, wait a minute." The agent said. "There's an ad in here that you should be very interested in."  
The agent opened a paper and turned to a quarter page ad with the WD logo on it.  
"'WD studios announces open auditions for people seeking to become rich and famous.'" Clark read. It sounded interesting, but it didn't sound like Clark's cup of tea. "Thanks anyway, but I'm really quite happy here."  
"Oh, if I were you, I'd definitely consider this audition very carefully." The man said quickly. "You've got talent kid. I heard you singing. Come on. You could make millions of people happy."  
"Millions of people happy?" Clark asked.  
"That's right." The agent said. "If you ever come to Hollywood, look me up."  
The agent then handed Clark a card.  
"The name's Jack Kirby." Jack said.  
"Well, you better get moving to catch that plane, Mr. Kirby." Clark said. "Well... See you in the movies."  
Jack Kirby smiled and rowed off.  
Clark then chewed on what Jack Kirby said.  
"I'd miss this old place but... Millions of people happy." Clark sighed.  
He knew what to do. He got his bike out of the shed, made sure he had money in his pocket, and rowed off.

* * *

Hooray! Clark's beginning his journey!


	3. John Blake

Chapter Two: John Blake

After an hour or so of riding, Clark passed what seemed to be a billboard advertising something called "Merlyn Global's French Fired Frog Legs".  
"What the...?" Clark asked himself. The very idea of that stuff always made Clark's stomach turn. He'd tried a frog leg as a kid, and he spent the rest of the night in the bathroom.  
Beside the billboard, an African American man was talking to a construction crew, usually shouting "Don't step on the asphalt!"  
Clark had to admit, this Merlyn guy worked quickly as the man smiled and waved at Clark who waved back.  
"Hey, you on the bike, watch out!" The man shouted when Clark looked up and saw a steam roller coming right at him!  
Thinking quickly, Clark flew up just before the steam-roller turned his bike into a pancake. Clark sighed as he sat on the sidewalk.  
"Phew." Clark sighed. "That's pretty dangerous building a road in the middle of the street without any warning cones or marking the thing off. If I couldn't fly, I'd be gone with the Schwinn."

That night, Clark arrived at a place called the El Sleezo Café.  
"Yeash." Clark groaned. "I wonder what kind of food they serve. Doesn't sound very appetizing, but... a guy's gotta eat."  
Just then, a man was flung out of the restaurant.  
"Rough place, huh?" Clark asked.  
"That is the toughest, meanest, filthiest pest hole on the face of the earth!" The man said.  
"Well why not complain to the owner?" Clark asked.  
"I am the owner." The man replied.  
"Oh..." Clark said with some shock. "Uh... Sorry."  
Clark went in and found that the place was made up mostly of tough guys, sailors, bikers, and such, and their girlfriends. Clark walked up to the bar as a brunette woman turned to him.  
"Hey, sailor." The woman said. "Buy me a drink?"  
"Uh..." Clark said as he reddened badly. "I'm not a sailor."  
"Ah, cut the small talk and buy me a drink." The woman said offhandedly.  
"But I don't even know you." Clark pointed out when a sailor came up.  
"Hey, you making out with my girl?" The man asked.  
"No sir." Clark insisted.  
"He did to." The woman said. "He touched me."  
"Oh, now that is a completed myth!" Clark insisted.  
"A what?" The man asked.  
"A myth!" Clark repeated. "Myth!"  
"Yes?" A blond woman in a black shoulder-less dress and red boa asked as she walked up.  
"What the hey?" Clark asked.  
"That happens a lot." The man said.  
Just then, a man's voice shouted out, "Show time! Show time at the El Sleezo!"  
Scott took a look at the stage.  
"And now, filling in for the vacationing El Sleezo dancing girls, the funny, fabulous, John Blake!"  
Just then, the curtains opened to reveal an eighteen-year-old boy with brown hair to only one man clapping his hands together... To kill a fly.  
"Thank you, ladies and germs!" The boy, John called out. "You're a great crowd. Here I am, John Blake, here to tell you jokes both old and great! "  
Everyone already began booing the poor kid.  
"Well, let's start things up with a bang." John said as someone shot at him and missed. "Thanks for that, sir."  
"This guy's lost." Clark groaned.  
"Maybe he should try Harry Fisher." A waiter said.  
"Good grief." Clark groaned. "What a weak running gag."  
"Uh..." John continued, finally feeling the stress apparently. "There was this sailor who was so fat-"  
"How fat was he?!" A very large sailor asked as he smashed a bottle against the table, and it shattered.  
"He was so fat that everyone liked him, and there was nothing funny about him at all, the end." John said timidly.  
After that, everyone began throwing food at John.  
"Oh no!" John groaned. "I just cleaned up this room! I'm a professional! I've had three performances."  
"Do you know any dance routines?" Clark asked as he walked to the stage.  
"Not really." John said. "Do you?"  
"Play something snappy, sir." Clark said to the piano man.  
"Got it!" The man said as he played the piano.  
"Now dance!" Clark said quickly as the two danced.

At the window, John Diggle saw the guy from earlier and showed him to his boss, Malcolm Merlyn. Merlyn looked at Clark's dancing and smirked.  
John knew that Merlyn was happy with who he had found.

"Too bad the dancing girls are on vacation." Clark sighed. "The crowd's getting ugly."  
"You think this crowd is ugly?" John asked. "You should see the dancing girls."  
After the dance was finished, everyone on stage rushed at Clark and John. They tossed John over the bar, and tossed Clark up as he was flung into wall. He didn't want to use his abilities since it could kill these guys, but he was definitely getting groggy from the toss.  
Just then, John came up in a bartender's uniform and a beard.  
"Okay everybody drinks on the house!" John called out as all the men rushed out excitedly.

On the roof of the El Sleezo, the men looked around confused. There were no drinks on the house.

Back at the bar, John sighed and took off the fake beard.  
"Works every time." John said with a smile.  
"Nice job." Clark said in amazement. "Well listen, my name is Clark Kent, and I'm on my way to Hollywood."  
Clark saw a lot of potential in John and figured he just needed an outlet.  
"Hollywood?!" John asked excitedly. "Big time showbiz?! That's always been my dream!"  
"Well they're looking for guys, so I figured, why not go together?" Clark asked.  
"My car's right outside!" John said with a smile.  
They walked outside and got into an old crème Studebaker.  
"Wow." Clark said. "A Studebaker. Where'd you get it?"  
"My uncle left it to me." John said casually.  
"Oh." Clark said. "Is he dead?"  
"No." John said plainly. "He's in a circus."  
Bobby drove off, followed by a mysterious black car that carried Malcolm Merlyn.

* * *

Uh-oh. Now we get to the point of interest.


	4. Malcolm Merlyn

Chapter 3: Malcolm Merlyn

"You know, John, you really do have a lot of talent." Clark said with a smile.  
"Thank you." John said happily.  
"How about you and me making up an act?" Clark asked.  
"Nope, sorry." John said. "I only work in the single."  
"Oh." Clark said. "Alright."  
After thinking for a moment, John knew that not working with Clark may take him back to a place like El Sleezo.  
"Alright, you talked me into it!" John called out. "We'll be a team!"  
"Oh good!" Clark said with a smile.  
Just then, they arrived at a road block.  
"You better slow down for that, John." Scott advised.  
"Yes sir." John said plainly.  
They stopped and suddenly noticed that there wasn't any kind of road work to warrant the road block.  
"Hey, what's going on?" Clark asked when a man in a business suit walked up.  
"Hello gentlemen." The man said. "I'm a business man with a proposition. Let me show you something that might change your whole life."  
Clark and John got out and arrived at an electronics store with a television in the front.  
"Now this is the kind of chance you can't afford to pass up." The man said as he held up a remote control. "Watch the window."  
With a click, a television turned on, and the same man appeared holding a bright green carton full of frog's legs.  
"Hello, I'm Malcolm Merlyn." The television Kelly said. "Inviting you to come on down and getting some delicious French Fried Frog Legs right here at the sign of with the bright green legs."  
The camera then zoomed out to reveal two plastic frog's legs acting as an arch to the restaurant Kelly was standing in front of.  
"Yeash." Clark said in disgust as several blond girls in 50s waitress uniforms came out.  
"Sweet mama!" John called out as his mouth began to drool.  
"There's cheese legs." The television Kelly went on. "Finger legs. Chili legs, barbecue, or if you want a snack, try a frog leg burger, on a bright green bun."  
Merlyn took the burger he mentioned and ate some of it.  
"Yech." Clark said as John vomited on the ground. "That was terrible! That was the most appalling, disgusting, revolting thing I've ever seen!"  
"Yes, I'm a great businessman and a nice guy, but I do lack the skills of a performer, unlike you." Merlyn said.  
"Say huh?" Clark asked.  
"He's right you know." John said. "You are very likable, Clark."  
"The kid's right." Merlyn said. "You my little friend are gonna do all our television commercials."  
"No way." Clark insisted. "I hate frog's legs."  
"Now listen, there's five hundred dollars up front in it for you, plus you'd be making this much every year." Merlyn said as he held up a huge wad of cash.  
"Let's go, John." Clark said as he walked back to the Studebaker.  
"Five hundred dollars?" John gaped. He never even knew someone could have five hundred dollars at once. "Would you consider someone like me?"  
"JOHN!" Clark shouted, snapping John back to his senses. "Right, sorry. Lost my head."  
John and Clark walked back to the Studebaker and took off.

"Hey wait!" Merlyn said before the two drove off. "DIGGLE!"  
John arrived.  
"Follow those kids!" Merlyn said as John got in the car and drove off. "DIGGLE!"  
The car drove back to where Merlyn was.  
"Follow those kids with me in the car!" Merlyn called out.  
"Sorry boss, I just got so excited!" John said. "Hey, how about the kid, isn't he great?"  
"Yes, just go!" Merlyn shouted.  
"But you promised me a reward." John pointed out.  
"Later Diggle, now follow that car!" Merlyn said as John drove off, with Kelly falling into his seat.

And so the chase begins!


	5. Moving Right Along

Chapter 4: Moving Right Along

By next morning, John and Clark were relaxing in the sunshine.  
"It's a gorgeous day!" John said with a smile.  
"Definitely." Clark agreed.  
"Terrific day for a drive." John added.  
"Beautiful country out here." Clark said as he observed the road.  
"A pair of pals seeing America!" John said grandly.  
"_Moving right along in search of good times and good news._" Clark sang as he played his banjo. "_With good friends you can't lose._"  
"_This could become a habit._" John observed.  
_Opportunity knocks once.  
Let's reach out and grab it. (Yeah!)  
Together, we'll nab it!  
_"_We'll hitchhike, bus, or yellow cab it!_" John called out grandly.  
"Cab it?" Clark asked, since they were both low on money.  
"Just forget it." John amended, realizing what he'd said.  
_Moving right along!  
Footloose and fancy free.  
Getting there is half the fun.  
Come share it with me.  
Moving right along!  
We'll learn to share the load.  
We don't need a map to keep this show on the road.  
_"Hey John, turn left when we come to a fork in the road." Clark said as he read a map.  
"Right!" John said. "Turn left at the fork in the road."  
No sooner had he said it when they arrived at a fork in the road, with a fork right at the point where it split.  
"Turning left!" John called out as Scott stared at the fork.  
"I don't believe that." Clark said in shock.  
_Moving right along.  
We've found a life on the highway.  
And your way is my way!  
So trust my navigation!  
California, here we come.  
Come high in the sky land!  
All palm trees and warm sand.  
_"_Though sadly, we just left Rhode Island._" John said nervously.  
"We did what?!" Clark asked in shock.  
"Just forget it." John said again.  
_Moving right along!  
Hey LA, where've ya gone?  
Send someone to fetch us, we're in Saskatoon!  
Moving right along!  
_"_You take it._" Clark said with a smile. "_You know best._"  
"_Hey, I've never seen the sun come up in the west._" John noted as he realized they were driving in the direction the sun was rising.  
They continued on when they noticed a passing blond boy running down the road.  
"Hey, John, look ahead." Clark noticed.  
"Who is that?" John asked.  
"Let's see if we can give him a lift." Clark added.  
"I don't know." John mused. "He looks kinda nuts."  
They stopped anyway, and John turned to the blond boy.  
"Hey there." John said. "Want a lift?"  
"Oh, no thanks." The blond man said. "I'm on my way to Central City to try and get a job there."  
"Oh." John said. "Good luck."  
_They then drove on.  
Moving right along.  
We're truly birds of a feather.  
We're in this together.  
And we know where we're going.  
Movie stars with flashy cars and life with the top down.  
_"_We're storming the big town._" Clark said with a smile.  
"Yeah, storm is right." John said as they got caught in a snow storm. "Should it be snowing?"  
"No, I don't think so." Clark said with a sigh.  
_Moving right along!  
Footloose and fancy free!  
Ya ready for the big time?  
Is it ready for me?  
Moving right along...  
Moving right along...  
Moving right along. . .  
_By that afternoon, they noticed a huge billboard for French Fried Frog Legs.  
"Maybe you better pull over for a sec." Clark said, as he wanted to see the poor dupe who signed up with Merlyn.  
"Got it." John replied, and he pulled to the side of the road.  
"Hey Clark, that's you!" John called out, pointing to the picture of a bucket full of fried frog legs, and in the center, near the top, was Clark's face.  
Just then, Merlyn came out.  
"Get the picture, boy?" Merlyn said with a smile. "Mr. Clark Kent, symbol of Merlyn Global's French Fried Frog Legs. Isn't that splendid? Just take a look at it."  
"All I can see are a lot of frogs with tiny crutches." Clark said in disgust.  
"Now kid, don't you wanna be rich and famous?" Merlyn asked.  
"Not working for you, I don't!" Clark snapped.  
"Yeah!" John joined in.  
"Crutches?" John Diggle asked.  
"Shut up, Diggle." Merlyn said quietly before turning to Clark. "I know we're a smalltime operation, but we're expanding... Like a frog."  
"Actually, that's a myth." Clark pointed out.  
"A what?" Merlyn asked.  
"A myth!" Clark shouted. "MYTH!"  
"Yes?" The lady from El Sleezo asked as she appeared from behind the billboard.  
"Whoa." John said in surprise.  
"Come on, John, burn rubber." Clark said.  
"You've got it." John said as he charged forward.

The car moved away, and Merlyn was outraged.  
"THAT'S THE SECOND TIME IN TWO DAYS!" Merlyn snapped. "Well, I've done my best with that boy, now it's time for my worst. Open the door."  
"No, you open the door!" John shouted.  
"What?" Merlyn asked in shock.  
"I'm sorry, but the kid is right." Kestrel said. "You're asking him to do something terrible by making him do something he doesn't wanna do. I can't be a part of this. It's a moral decision, and I'll stand by it!"  
"I'll double your percentage." Merlyn said plainly.  
"I'll open the door." John said a second later.

* * *

Oh, now that was fun.


	6. Can You Picture That?

Chapter 5: Can You Picture That?

As the two continued driving, John asked Clark a question he'd had since they left El Sleezo.  
"Clark, where are we?" John asked.  
"Well let's see." Clark said as he pulled out the map. We're traveling down this black line here, and we just crossed that little red line..."  
As Clark talked, John took a look at the map as well.  
"How about we take the blue line?" John asked as he saw a line that lead straight to California.  
"We can't take that." Clark said. "According to the map key, that's a river."  
"Oh." John said. "My bad."  
"Wait, John, I've got a question." Clark said.  
"Yeah?" John asked.  
"Who's driving?" Clark asked.  
The two realized that neither of them were paying attention to the road and stopped just before hitting a church.  
"John, where did you learn to drive?" Clark asked, clutching his heart.  
"I took a correspondence course." John said plainly.  
Clark groaned as John drove into the parking lot.  
"This looks like a nice quiet spot." Clark observed. "Boy, it feels like we've been driving for days."  
"Yeah." John said. "The funny thing is I'm still wide awake."  
"Me too." Clark said just before John passed out on the front seat.  
"Me too." Clark said as he went to sleep too.  
They had been sleeping for a few minutes when jazz music suddenly came from the church, jolting them awake.  
"What is that?" John asked.  
The two looked in through the door and found a huge band playing.  
"They sure don't look like normal church goers to me." John said, and he was probably right. It was filled with various people. There was a man in a green leather hoodie blowing a saxophone, a brunette woman in a revealing black outfit on piano, and a brown haired man playing the guitar. They walked in.  
"Cool it everybody." The hooded man said. "It appears our morning melodies have attracted some wandering admirers."  
"Hey, who are you guys?!" Clark asked.  
"We are Oliver Queen and the Vigilantes." The man said. "I'm Oliver. Golden sax to go with my golden tone."  
"I'm Bruce." Bruce said. "I'm low bass."  
"And I'm Laurel." Another woman with a guitar said. "Lead guitar."  
"Selina Kyle." The other woman said. "Hello big boys."  
"Hello." John said with a squeak in his voice.  
"John." Clark sighed.  
"Sorry." John replied.  
The girl at drums, dressed in red and yellow, screamed and slammed herself into the drums.  
"WHOO! ROCK AND ROLL!" She screamed.  
"That is Thea." Bruce said. "She's the drummer, and she gets excited easily."  
"Yeah, sorry." Thea said calmly.  
"Hey, don't forget about me!" Another voice called out, and they looked up to see a girl of John's age with red hair. "I'm Barbara Gordon. The band's road manager."  
"Oh yeah." Bruce said. "The road manager. We couldn't go anywhere without her."  
"So she's the one with the contacts?" John asked.  
"No, she's the one with the van." Oliver corrected.  
"Yeah, we're planning on turning this old church into a coffee house." Barbara explained.  
"With music by us of course and refreshments... As soon as we find a cook." Selina stated.  
"It's gonna be nice and mellow and of course profitable." Oliver said plainly.  
"So what brings you guys here?" Bruce asks.  
"Well you see," John began. "Scott was at a house of his and Jack Kirby came along and-"  
"John!" Clark groaned. "You can't just repeat the whole story. It'll bore the audience."  
"Oh, sorry." John said to the people reading this before turning to Clark. "But Clark, the band wants to know.  
"Well then show them the script.  
"Oh right." John said as he handed the script to them. "It starts here at chapter 1. You can skip the Prologue."  
"The DC Movie, huh?" Oliver asked, glancing at the title. "'Clark Kent was relaxing in his family farm as he played a banjo and relaxed.'"

By the time Oliver had gotten to the point of the script John gave it to them, the two had fallen asleep.  
"'The two looked in through the door and found a huge band playing.  
'They sure don't look like normal church goers to me." John said, and he was probably right. It was filled with various people. There was a man in a green leather hoodie blowing a saxophone, a brunette woman in a revealing black outfit on piano, and a brown haired man playing the guitar. They walked in.'  
"And that would be where we came in." Oliver finished as he set the script down. "Not a bad narrative. Though it looks like Mr. Kent and Mr. Blake or more visual since it looks like they checked out."  
"Well now that we know, we've gotta keep those two away from this Merlyn guy." Bruce said plainly.  
"Too true." Oliver said plainly.  
"Now what can we do to help them?" Selina asked.  
"Well, if there was a movie or a fan-fic -" Laurel began.  
"Which it is." Oliver pointed out.  
"We'd figure out some clever plot device." Laurel finished.  
"Like disguising their car so that it can't be recognized." Barbara called out.  
"Right!" Oliver called out. "MUSICAL NUMBER!"  
The five of them then went to the Studebaker and poured all kinds of paint on it as they also sang.  
_Everybody's mother!  
Everybody's brother!  
I wanna be your lifetime friend!  
Playing to the rockets!  
Nothin' in my pockets!  
I keep it in the rainbows there!  
Whenever I have money,  
I think of milk and honey!  
Grinning like a Cheshire cat!  
I focus on the pleasure!  
Something I can treasure!  
Can you picture that?  
Can you picture that?!  
_"Hey Bruce, take a verse." Oliver said as they continued.  
_Let me take your picture!  
Add it to the mixture!  
Spirit has a caption now!  
Really nothing to it!  
Anyone can do it!  
It's easy and we all know how!  
Now begins the changing.  
Meant for rearranging.  
Nothing's where it's at.  
_"_Now the Eiffel tower's holding up a flower._" Oliver finished with a smirk. "_Can you picture that?_"  
_Can you picture that?  
Because there's nothing out there you can't do.  
Yeah even Santa Claus believes in you.  
Deep down you believe me. Don't ya?  
Be a better drummer.  
Be an up and comer.  
Can you picture that?  
Can you picture that?!  
They continued their work and play.  
All of us are winning!  
Picking and a grinning!  
Lordy but I love to jam!  
Jelly belly giggling!  
Dancing and a wiggling!  
Honey that's the way I am!  
I work hard in Texas!  
I go home to relax yes!  
I keep it underneath my hat!  
Aurora borealis!  
Shining down in Dallas!  
Can you picture that?  
Can you picture that?!  
Can you picture!  
_"_You gotta see it in your mind!_" Oliver called out.  
_Can you picture!  
_"_You know it's quick and easy to find._" Bruce pointed out.  
_Can you picture!  
_"_You don't have to buy a frame._" Selina stated plainly.  
_Can you picture!  
Can you picture that?!  
CAN YOU PICTURE THAT?!  
Loafer if you need it.  
Don't forget to feed it.  
Can you picture that!  
_By the time they were done, Clark and John were up and looked at what they made. The Studebaker had been colored rainbow and looked like a hippie bus.  
"Merlyn will never recognize you now." Oliver said plainly.  
"Wow, I don't know how to thank you guys." John said happily.  
"I don't know why to thank you guys." Clark groaned, looking at the eye sore.  
"Our pleasure, guys." Bruce said warmly.  
"Are you sure you won't come with us to Hollywood?" John asked.  
"Can't pal." Oliver said. "But when you get rich and famous, maybe we'll come down to visit and exploit your wealth."  
Everyone laughed as Clark turned to John.  
"Move it right along, John." Scott said with a smile.  
"Yes sir!" John said.

* * *

What the flying fudge did I just write?!


	7. Tommy Merlyn

Chapter 6: Tommy Merlyn

Merlyn and John were driving down the road as Kelly was on the phone with someone.  
"I'm telling you, this kid does everything." Merlyn said. "He sings, tells jokes, and he even rides a bicycle."  
Merlyn then turned to John.  
"Diggle, find me two kids in a tan colored Studebaker."  
Just then, two kids in a rainbow colored Studebaker drove past.  
"Gee, sir, all I can see is two kids in a rainbow colored Studebaker." John said before realizing what he'd said.

As John and Clark continued down the road, they saw Merlyn's limo drive after them.  
"John, they're right behind us!" Clark called out.  
"I know!" John said agitatedly. "I know!"  
"Well how'd they recognize us?!" Clark called out.  
"Maybe they recognized you." John said plainly.  
"What do you mean?" Clark asked.  
"Well how many people do you know who can bench press this car?" John explained.  
"Can't you drive any faster John?!" Clark called out. "They're gaining on us!"  
"Nope." John said. "This thing's going as fast as it can."  
They then saw an ad for Faygo with a rainbow colored motive.  
"Pull in front of that sign." Clark said quickly.  
They did so, and Clark was right. The Vigilantes' paint job matched the billboard perfectly. The two ducked down and Merlyn's car drove right past.  
"Well that worked out pretty well." John said as Clark groaned.

Meanwhile, on the same road, a man with black hair named Tommy Merlyn was riding a van with his girlfriend and partner in his plunger business, Chloe Sullivan.  
"So I told Lana that just because we were sharing an apartment didn't mean I had to obey her rules, so I packed up and left." Chloe said, finishing a story.  
"Wow, good for you!" Tommy said. "Now... We just need a plumbing job."  
"Well no offense hon, but people are paying you to do something they can do themselves." Chloe pointed out. "It's a pretty small market."  
"Well that's fair." Tommy said as the van accidentally drifted to the wrong side of the road.

Clark and John were driving down when they saw the van there.  
"John, look at that funny little van." Clark said.  
"Yeah, cute isn't it?" John said.  
"No, I meant it's heading straight for us!" Clark called out.  
"Oh." John said. "AH!"  
"We're gonna hit!" Clark called out when he saw that the van was now gone. "We missed it."  
"Oh, you call that a miss?" Tommy said as he teleported down from the roof with Chloe.  
"How'd you do that?" Clark asked.  
"I don't know." Tommy said.  
"Oh." Clark said.  
It was at this point that Tommy began hopping up and down in the back seat.  
"You guys okay?" Clark asked.  
"Yeah." Chloe said calmly.  
"Why are you hopping up and down?" John asked Tommy.  
"Because I'm hopping mad!" Tommy called out.  
"Guy has a sense of humor." Clark observed.  
"Hey, why don't you join us?" John asked.  
"Where are you going?" Tommy asked.  
"We're following our dream." John said.  
"Really?" Tommy asked. "Well I have a dream too... But you'll think it's stupid."  
"No we won't." John said. "Tell us."  
"Well, my dream is to go to Bombay, India and become a movie star." Tommy said plainly.  
"You don't go to Bombay to become a movie star." John pointed out. "You go where we're going. Hollywood."  
"Well sure, if you Want to do it the easy way."  
"We picked up a weirdo..." John groaned.  
"You get used to it." Chloe sighed.  
Eventually, they arrived at a small town and a car lot.  
"Hey, Mad Man Mooney's." Chloe said. "It's a used car lot."  
"Yeah, maybe we can trade in both these old cars and get one big one." Clark said.  
"What?!" John called out. "Trade in my uncle's Studebaker?!"  
"That's what he said." Tommy confirmed.  
"Oh, when the circus gets to Gotham, Uncle John'll kill me." John groaned.  
Everyone got out of the car and looked around.  
"Oh, my dear friends!" The salesman said. "Welcome to Mad Man Mooney's used car lot. Today's your lucky day!"  
"It is?" Clark asked.  
"It is." The man said. "You see guys; you're driving the wrong car."  
"I am?" John asked.  
"I wasn't!" Tommy called out angrily.  
"I can put you in this German street machine for only 2,000 dollars minus a twelve dollar trade in on the old car." The salesman said as he patted the car he was trying to sell them, and the fender fell off. "Detachable fenders for narrow garages."  
"No thanks." Clark sighed.  
"Hank, get out here!" The salesman said as a robot with a human face on the screen arrive.  
"Hey." Hank said. "I'm Hank Henshaw."  
"Just move the car, Hank." The salesman said agitatedly. Hank did so and just moved around at speeds that made him look like a bright gray blur.  
"Now seriously friends," the salesman went on. "Mad Man Mooney doesn't believe in all that dealing and wheeling."  
As the salesman was talking, Hank got bothered by a fly near a car that was priced at 1,195 dollars.  
"No, the price on the sticker is the price you pay and never more and never less."  
Just then, Hank swatted the fly as it landed on the sticker, which ended up making it read "11.95".  
"We'll take that one for eleven dollars and ninety-five cents." Chloe said quickly.  
The salesman turned around and saw it.  
"That's our five dollar trade in." Tommy pointed out. "You owe us a nickel."  
The deal went down as Hank arrived with the keys.  
"Hey thanks." Clark said. "By the way, we're all going to Hollywood. You wanna come with us?"  
"Hollywood?!" Hank said as he rushed off.  
"That's weird." Clark said. "He ran off. Well, move it right along, John."  
"Right." John said as they drove off.

As the car went off, John raced after them with a suitcase.  
"Hey you guys, wait!" John called off. "I wanna go with you!"  
He sighed and began chasing after them. He really needed to just say 'yes' or 'no' instead of rushing off.

* * *

That was fun!


	8. Never Before and Never Again

Chapter 7: Never Before and Never Again

They made a quick pit stop at a carnival to stretch their legs and get a bite to eat. As they looked around, they passed a booth for a pageant for Bogen County.  
"It's time to announce the winner of this year's Bogen County Beauty Pageant." The announcer said.  
"You think we should take a look, guys?" John asked.  
"Eh." Clark said. "What harm could it do?"  
"Wow!" Tommy called out as the runners up came through. "What women!"  
"Hey!" Chloe called out.  
"Oh!" Tommy said quickly. "No offense, Chloe."  
"Now before announcing the winner, I think we should thank the celebrity judges." The announcer continued. "Hawkman and Hawkgirl."  
Everyone applauded.  
"You're not gonna believe who the winner is, folks." Hawkman groaned.  
"Oh come on now, Carter." Hawkgirl replied. "It's their fic."  
"And here she is, folks!" The announcer called out. "The new Miss Bogen County! Lois Lane!"  
Lois came out enamored and waved at everyone. She had beautiful brown hair and brown-green eyes.  
"Oh thank you everyone!" Lois called out. "Thank you so much!"  
Clark was looking at her when their eyes met, and they couldn't stop staring at each other.  
_Never Before... Have two souls met so freely  
And so fast...  
For me this is the first time,  
And the last...  
Is this an angel's wish for men?  
Never before... and never again...  
And where to find the words to sing its worth.  
This love was bound for heaven, not for Earth.  
This love was meant to light the stars.  
But when we touched, we made it ours.  
And could they take it back?  
No they wouldn't dare.  
Why should they take it back,  
When we're in love?  
To share with all the world,  
And fill the heavens above...  
With left over love!  
Never before...!  
A love that keeps on going on and on!  
To fill each other's hearts and meet the dawn!  
Is this an angel's wish for men?!  
Never before... And never again ...!  
Never before... And never again . . .!  
_Lois quickly walked up to Clark.  
"Hi." Lois said nervously.  
"Hi." Clark said nervously as well. "Uh, congratulations on winning the beauty contest."  
"Oh thank you." Lois said. "Though, this isn't my usual forte. I'm really an actress/model/investigative reporter."  
"Wow." Tommy said.  
"You know, we're gonna be performers too." Clark said.  
"They are so smitten." Chloe observed.  
"Oh yeah." John agreed. "Hey Clark, are we still getting some ice cream?"  
"Oh yeah." Clark answered. "In a minute."  
The others walked off.  
"So what are you doing in town?" Lois asked.  
"Oh, we're heading west." Clark explained.  
"Ooh..." Lois said enamored. "Really?"  
"Yeah." Clark answered. "I really should meet up with my friends though for the ice cream... Hey, wanna join us?"  
"Me?!" Lois called out excitedly. "Yes! Yes! Just-just give me a minute!"  
Lois then rushed off.  
"And who says women being excitable is a myth." Clark sighed.  
"A what?" Lois asked just before leaving.  
"A my-" Clark said before stopping himself.  
"Trust me." Clark said. "It was a weak gag."  
"Alright." Lois said as she walked off.

* * *

Aw... The Nostalgia Critic is right. Two of the same joke being enough isn't a myth.  
Lois: A what?  
Me: A myth. MYTH!  
Red boa lady: Yes?  
Me: Oh, not again.


	9. Balloon Travel

Chapter 8: Balloon Travel

John arrived at the ice cream cart.

"Hello." John said. "I'd like some ice cream."

"Oh, what do you want?" The vender asked. "Chocolate? Vanilla? Rum banana?"

"Raspberry." John said.

"Whoa, buddy." The vendor said with a laugh. "I may not know you that well, but I wouldn't wanna be rude to you."

John chuckled with the vendor.

"Anyway, raspberry for me, and a cherry ripple for my friend." John said.

"You got it." The vendor said as he handed John the ice cream.

"Thanks." John said.

"Anytime." The vendor replied.

()()()()()

While John and Clark were busy, Tommy and Chloe were walking around when Chloe saw a few balloons as she looked at her wallet, and there wasn't a lot of money as she turned to Tommy. She was a sucker for balloons, though she'd never really figured out why.

"Alright, Chloe." Tommy said. "Alright. I'll get you a balloon, but you have to pick the color. Red or green?"

"Can I give ya a word of advice?" The balloon salesman asked?

"What?" Tommy asked.

"Why not take both?" The salesman said with a smile.

"What a wild idea!" Tommy called out excitedly.

"Yeah, a beautiful babe like that deserves two balloons." The salesman went on.

"Oh, stop." Chloe chuckled in a way that meant the exact opposite of what she just said.

"No, he's right!" Tommy insisted, not understanding Chloe's tone.

"I've got a bunch of guys coming through here; sometimes they get a bunch of balloons for their girls." The salesman said. "They go gaga for them."

"Gaga?!" Tommy repeated. "I'll take the whole bunch!"

"Uh… Tommy…" Chloe began as she felt that all the balloons were a little much.

However, Tommy already gave him the money, and the vender gave Tommy the balloons.

()()()()()

Clark was looking around the festival, having lost track of the others in the crowd.

"Tommy?" Clark asked. "I wonder where he went. Uh… John?"

"Clark!" John called out as he came up with two ice creams. "Oh hey, Clark."

John then looked around.

"Where's your brunette friend?" John asked.

"Well I'm not really sure." Clark said. "She said she was coming with us for ice cream, but-"

"Yoo-hoo!" Lois called as she rushed to the two in casual clothes and holding a suitcase. "Here I am! Here I am! I'm packed! I'm packed!"

"I can see that." Clark said. "What for?"

"You said I could come with you." Lois said, confused.

"Yeah, to buy ice cream, not to Hollywood." Clark said.

"Hollywood?!" Lois called out. "I just thought you were headed to Disneyland! Please, let me come!"

"Well…" Clark said. He did fell like one more person wouldn't make a difference. They still had a fair amount of time, and plenty of seats. "Sure."

Just then, Chloe rushed up in a panic.

"Guys!" Chloe called out. "It's terrible! Awful, all my fault, and we just wasted ten dollars!"

"What?" Clark asked.

"It's Tommy!" Chloe said. "I talked him into buying me a balloon, and the guy that looked like Richard Pryor talked him into buying the whole bunch!"

"And?" Clark asked.

"The balloons floated him away." Lois answered.

"You telepathic?" Chloe asked.

"No." Lois said. "He's floating over us."

Clark looked up and sure enough, Tommy was floating in the air, holding onto several balloons.

"Tommy, what are you doing?!" Clark asked in alarm.

"About seven naughts!" Tommy answered.

"We'll follow you!" Clark called to the rapidly disappearing Tommy. "To the car, John!"

"Yes sir!" The three then rushed to the car.

"Tommy, we're coming!" Clark called out to Tommy.

()()()()()

The group quickly chased after Tommy, with Chloe and Lois working together as navigators.

"Step on it, John!" Clark called out.

"Yes sir!" Clark replied.

"Oh, Clark." Lois said with a smile. "You're a born leader."

"Now where is he?" Clark said after blushing a little at Lois' remark.

"Up ahead near a wheat field." Chloe said quickly.

()()()()()

Tommy was floating along quite contentedly, looking over the world and God's creations.

"Oh, isn't this great?" Tommy said to himself. He wasn't that worried since he had practiced free falling during his college years. "Here I am, floating in space… Or the air, rather. Either way, this is the place to be! Whoopee!"

()()()()()

Down below, Clark got a look at Tommy as he began floating off due to the wind.

"John, bare left!" Clark called out.

"What?" John asked.

"Bare left!" Clark repeated.

John turned to look at Chloe. She wasn't bare.

"No, turn left!" Clark groaned.

"Oh, right." John said. "I knew that."

()()()()()

Tommy was still in the sky as he saw the car driving by, looking like a toy.

"Wow, look at our little car down there!" Tommy called out. "It's like flying! Oh wait, it is flying."

Just then, Tommy noticed another car following theirs.

"Hey, who are those guys?" Tommy wondered to himself.

()()()()()

Back on the ground, John and Merlyn were following the car as John looked up with binoculars.

"Hey sir, isn't that the kid up there?" John was having trouble getting a clear look at the figure, and he didn't see the boy's face until after he had already asked the question.

"No, that's the kid up there!" Merlyn called out, exasperated.

()()()()()

Clark and the others were so focused on Tommy that he and John failed to recognize Merlyn's car.

"He's caught in the cross-winds, John!" Clark called out. "We're gonna lose him!"

"Oh no!" John called out in alarm.

()()()()()

Meanwhile, John noticed Merlyn pulling out a riffle.

"Ah!" John called out in alarm. "What are ya doing, sir?!"

"I'm going after the tires." Merlyn responded plainly.

()()()()()

Luckily for the gang, Tommy stayed on course until the wind began working with them.

"The wind's dropping down." Clark said. "We're okay now."

"Phew." Lois said.

"Wait a minute!" Clark said. "I think he's beginning to come down. Stay with him, John!"

"Right!" John called out.

"He's right above us!" Chloe said as she opened the top of the car.

"He's okay." Clark sighed.

"Yeah, hi Tommy!" John said as he opened the door.

"JOHN, GET BACK IN HERE!" Clark shouted.

"Huh?" John asked.

"I said get back-" Clark began, but too late. The car slammed into a billboard for a pie factory, launching a pie filled with whipped cream into the air as it landed on a car just behind them.

()()()()()

John was so caught off guard by the pie flying at them that she broke right there as it landed right on the car, covering it in whipped cream as Merlyn's shot went wild, obliterating all but two of the balloons Tommy was holding onto as he began literally falling.

()()()()()

"Oh… Crud!" Tommy called out as he fell, getting caught by Clark and gently set into the car.

"Gun it, John." Clark said, having noticed Merlyn's car when he looked at the pie crashing into it.

"Yes sir!" John called out, and they drove off.

"Well, that was fun." Tommy said happily.

"Is he coming with us too?" Lois asked.

Everyone nodded, sighing with relief about the rather nerve raking day being over.

()()()()()

Back at the stopped car, Merlyn was yelling at the top of his lungs.

"COME BACK, YOU!" Merlyn called out. "NO ALIEN'S GONNA MAKE A MONKEY OUT OF ME!"

John sighed and had some of the whipped cream, which wasn't half bad.

()()()()()

Back at the carnival, several girls in bathing suits rushed out of the changing tent as Hank zoomed out as well.

"I've just gotta catch up with those guys!" Hank remarked as he rushed down the road, only knowing the vaguest of road directions, he had already gone the wrong way several times by now.

* * *

And so that's the end of that chapter. Sorry it took so long. I kinda got busy with other things.


	10. I Hope That Something Better Comes Along

Chapter 9: I Hope That Something Better Comes Along

As the group continued to drive on, Lois couldn't help starring at Clark.

"Wow, Clark." Lois said, a little nervous. "You were really brave and courageous."

"Gee." Clark said, equally nervous. "I-I don't know what to say."

"Say I was magnificent." John said, slightly resentful over Lois' praise to Clark. "I did the driving."

"Well Clark was the one who caught Tommy." Chloe pointed out.

"Yeah!" Tommy agreed. "I owe you, man."

"So, where do you come from?" Lois asked as she couldn't stop staring at Clark.

"Smallville." Clark said as he blushed badly.

"Oh brother." John groaned.

"Um..." Lois said as she looked around. "Why don't we stop somewhere for the night and have a quiet little dinner?"

"Terrific!" Tommy said enthusiastically. "I know this great place in Munich!"

"Uh... I mean along the way." Lois pointed out.

"Oh." Tommy said, his eagerness deflating slightly. "My bad."

"Well, that might be nice." Clark agreed.

()()()()()

Stopping at the first restaurant they saw, the group split up to give each of them some room to breathe after spending several days stuck in the car. As such, Clark and Lois had a table all their own outside on a porch in sight of a crescent moon.

"Oh wow." Clark said as Lois returned from the ladies room, dressed in a simple blue dress. "Hey Lois. You look lovely tonight."

"Thank you." Lois said with a smile as she sat down next to Clark. "I'm so sorry if I kept you waiting."

"It was worth it." Clark said with a nervous chuckle.

"How charming of you." Lois said with a smile.

"I uh... Took the liberty of ordering us some wine." Clark said, half afraid he'd been too forward, relieved when Lois seemed more impressed. "Oh waiter?"

The waiter, a slim man with graying hair came up.

"Yes?" The waiter asked impatiently. He seemed to have either had a rough night or was just unpleasant by nature. "May I help you?"

"Uh..." Clark said, caught off-guard by his rudeness. "The wine, please?"

The waiter looked at the basket the wine was in and pulled it out and showed it to Lois.

"Ooh, you mad impetuous fink, it's champagne." Lois said with a smile as Clark knew she was joking when she said that.

"Not exactly." The waiter said plainly. "Sparkling Marceltell. One of the finest wines of Idaho."

"Uh, you may serve us now, please." Clark said, unsure of how restaurants like this worked.

"Oh, may I?" The waiter asked sarcastically.

He then quickly undid the wrapping.

"Look how he does that." Lois said, apparently just as impressed with Scott over how he undid the wrapping around the nozzle since neither had ever really had champagne before.

"Yeah, very suave." Clark agreed.

The waiter then tossed the wrapping away and undid the top with a bottle opener. He then held the cap to Clark.

"Don't you want to smell the bottle cap?" The waiter asked.

"Oh." Clark exclaimed as he sniffed the cap. "Smells alright."

"Would you like to taste it first?" The waiter asked.

"Uh..." Clark said as he didn't have the money to afford another bottle as Lois turned to him.

"I think he's supposed to." Lois whispered in his ear.

"Oh." Clark said with relief. "Uh, would you taste it for us, please?"

The waiter rolled his eyes and took a sip from a spare glass and quickly spit it out.

"Excellent choice." The waiter said robotically.

"It oughta be for ninety-five cents." Clark told Lois, which impressed her to no end.

The waiter then poured out two glasses with the wine.

"Oh, may we have straws please?" Clark asked.

"Yes." The waiter said. "I expected that."

The waiter then unwrapped a pair of straws and placed one in each glass.

"Thank you." Clark said sincerely. "That'll be all for now."

"Oh, thank you!" The waiter said dramatically as he bowed down. "Thank you very much! Thank you."

He then left, leaving the two alone.

"Here's to you, Lois." Clark said as he lifted his glass, Lois lifted hers, and they clinked the glasses together. "Drink up."

The two drank the wine as it tasted like a generic, carbonated juice as the two sat there nervously.

"This stuff's making me a bit giggly." Lois said with a nervous smile.

"The wine?" Clark asked.

"Everything." Lois said as she and Clark looked at each other intently. Clark's mind quickly became a blank as he'd never felt this way about anyone before.

"I-it's a beautiful evening, isn't it?" Clark asked as he began sweating.

"Yeah." Lois said in a way that told Clark she was just as nervous as he was.

"The moon is just lovely." Clark said, unaware what he was really talking about at this point.

"Yeah." Lois agreed again.

"But you know, Lois, the moon isn't as lovely as you." Clark said, finally getting enough nerve to say what he'd been thinking since he saw her.

With that, the two were just about to kiss when the waiter called out.

"Lois Lane?" The waiter called out in general. "Lois Lane?!"

The waiter walked out to their table.

"You Lois Lane?" The waiter asked.

"Yes." Lois asked confusedly.

"Telephone." The waiter said as he walked off.

"Oh." Lois said as she got up. "Clark, I placed a call to my agent. It'll just take one teeny-tiny moment."

"What the hey." Clark groaned over his luck.

()()()()()

Half an hour after Lois left, Clark was still waiting at the table, unsure of what to do as he heard piano music from almost nowhere as he followed it to find a slim man with very short black hair playing the piano.

"Evening." The slim man said. "The name's Davis Bloome. Sit yourself down."

"Thanks." Clark said as he sat down in a chair. "I'm Clark. Clark Kent."

"Pleased to meet ya." Davis said, not missing a beat on the piano. "I'm no Mozart, but I get by."

"It was very nice." Clark said sincerely, though his mind was still on Jean.

"Broken heart, right?" Davis asked as he glanced over at Clark.

"Does it show?" Clark asked, surprised at Davis knowing what was wrong almost at once.

"Listen pal, when you've been around the block as many times as I have, you've seen it all, and you've done it all yourself too." Davis said plainly. "A broken heart for every drop of rain, and a shattered dream for every falling star."

"Exactly." Clark agreed. "She just walked out on me."

"Yeah, typical." Davis sighed. "That's why I live alone."

"You do, huh?" Clark asked.

"You bet." Davis answered. "I finish work. I go home. I read a book, have a couple of beers and take a walk for a breather. Then I go to bed."

"Nice and simple." Clark said plainly. He was beginning to regret leaving his old home back in Smallville.

"Stay away from women." Davis concluded. "That's my motto."

"But I can't." Clark pointed out.

"Me either." Davis confessed. "That's my problem."

You can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em.

There's somethin' irresistabullish about 'em.

We grin and bear it 'cause the nights are long.

I hope that somethin' better comes along.

"I see what you mean." Clark said as he listened to the song and decided to join in.

It's no good complainin', and pointless to holler.

If she's a beauty she'll get under your collar.

She made a monkey out of old King Kong,

I hope that somethin' better comes along.

As the two were singing, Clark began to feel better already and also began seeing the bright side of having someone special in his life.

Still, it's fun when they're fetchin'

And agree to see an etchin'

That you keep at your little pad.

There is no solution, it's part of evolution,

You'll soon hear the souls,

The little feet of tadpoles!

"What?" Clark asked.

"Metaphor." Davis explained.

There's no limitation to mixin' and matchin'

Some get an itchin' for a critter they've been scratchin'

A skunk was badgered the results were strong.

I hope that somethin' better,

I hope that somethin' better,

I hope that somethin' better comes along.

"Phone call for Clark Kent!" The waiter called out as he walked over to the duo. "You Clark Kent?"

"Yeah." Clark admitted.

"Telephone." The waiter said as Clark walked over and took it.

"Not often you see a green horn have the blues so bad." Davis said to himself as he went for his dinner break.

As Clark grabbed the phone, he heard noise from the street and wondered who could be calling as everybody was in the restaurant.

"Hello?" Clark asked.

"Clark, hang up!" Lois' voice called out from the phone. "Hurry! Hur-"

"Lois, is that you?!" Clark called out in alarm as his eyes widened, and he quickly realized he was set up and wasn't at all surprised to hear Merlyn on the other end of the phone just as Lois was cut off.

"Yes, that's her." Merlyn said calmly. "And this is Malcolm Merlyn. Now you listen, Kent and listen well. Step outside the restaurant, right now. My guys will meet you there.

"Well what if I don't?" Clark asked, trying to sound braver than he felt.

"Then your girlfriend will be singing with the angels." Merlyn said as Clark heard Lois continue to struggle.

"Clark, don't do it!" Lois said. "Forget about me, get out of here! Don't-"

The line went dead as Clark distinctly heard Merlyn hang up, fuming over the gloating laughter he was sure Merlyn was doing right now.

With no other option, Clark walked out of the back of the restaurant as Lionel ordered. Just as he closed the door, several men pointed guns at him.

"So, you the guys I'm supposed to meet?" Clark asked coolly.

* * *

And thus, the plot thickens... When we're already two thirds through it.


	11. Professor Strange

Chapter 10: Professor Strange

At a barn just out of town, Clark and Lois were tied up as Merlyn chuckled when Tess arrived.

"The professor's here, Malcolm." Diggle said in a less than enthused tone.

"Well show him in." Merlyn said enthusiastically as he appeared to already think he'd won.

"Clark, I'm not a bit worried." Lois told Clark in a whisper. "I know that between the two of us, we'll think of some way out of this."

"Well, I got us this far, didn't I?" Clark said, so nervous he wasn't exactly sure what he was saying.

Lois just turned to Clark incredulously.

Just then, a well-built, bald man with a gray beard and wearing a white trench coat and round spectacles came in and shook Merlyn's hand.

"So good to see you again, Malcolm." The man said in a light German accent.

"Professor Hugo Strange." Merlyn said. "Great to see you again, too. How's Sharp?"

"He's doing fine." Strange said simply. "So where's my victim." He then made a mock gasp and added, "I mean patient."

"Right over here, Professor." Merlyn said as he led Strange to Lois and Clark. "Let me introduce you to your patient. Clark Kent."

Strange began examining Clark.

"Professor Strange's the world's leading expert on mind control." Merlyn said smugly.

"It's a very rapidly growing field." Strange agreed in the same calm voice as always. "And I always enjoy a challenge."

"Tell us what you're going to do to Clark." Strange remarked.

"Well, we're going to perform an electronic cerebractomy." Strange said plainly.

"Huh?" Everyone asked.

"A little procedure I made up myself." Strange explained.

"So what's that?" Merlyn asked.

"Let me show you." Strange continued. "Gentlemen, bring in the machine."

The men wheeled in a machine with what looked like an electric chair attached to a computer device.

"This device utilizes both electro-shock therapy and electronic hypnosis to turn the occupant's brains into little more than guacamole."

Strange and Merlyn then both chuckled darkly.

"Maybe we can try pulling out of this." Clark told Lois.

"Good idea." Lois remarked as Clark tried to break free, but the ropes were lined with Blue Kryptonite, sapping him of his powers and wrapped so tight, he couldn't get the proper momentum to break out of them. Lois, however, was used to situations like this. "Don't worry. We just have to keep trying."

"Now, we take your friend, Mr. Kent, clamp on the terminals, drop the electric hat onto him, and throw the switch." Strange went on.

Strange turned the switch on for show as a blue light showed on the device and the metal hat connected to it.

"Once that's done, Mr. Kent will then be reprogrammed to do your bidding."

"Perfect." Merlyn said with a smirk as he and Strange shook hands again. "We'll leave you to it. Diggle?"

The two walked off as Merlyn turned back.

"I'll be back later to pick up what's left of Mr. Kent." Merlyn said with a sneer as Diggle looked more and more uncomfortable.

"Alright, bring over Mr. Kent." Strange said after Lionel and Tess had left, and Clark was untied and forced over to the chair.

"Clark, whatever happens next, I'll never give up tonight for anything in the world!" Lois called out dramatically as she was already loosening the bonds around her wrists.

"Make me an offer." Clark said half-jokingly as he was strapped into the machine with Blue Kryptonite clamps while Strange chuckled.

"You can struggle all you want, Mr. Kent." Strange remarked, still not even slightly raising his voice. "It'll do you very little good."

Strange then pushed a button as the electric hat was lowered onto his head.

"Soon, there'll be enough voltage coursing through your brain to light up New York City." Strange remarked an evil sneer growing on his face.

"Let him go!" Lois called out.

"Say good-bye to the boy, madam." Strange remarked.

"Why should I?" Lois asked.

"Because in a few moments, he won't know you from Erica Durance." Strange said plainly as Lois smiled.

"Oh yeah?" Lois asked as she stood up and tossed the ropes away.

She then kicked Strange away from the switch and began tossing the other people around the room, rendering almost everyone unconscious. However, while Lois was fighting, Strange had recovered and was reaching for the switch.

"Oh no!" Clark called out. Lois turned around and knocked Strange back into the machine as a short circuit freed Clark.

"Run, Clark!" Lois called out.

"Oh thank you!" Clark sighed in relief as they rushed out as Strange tried to get up, accidentally throwing the switch as he tried to lift himself up, frying his own brains in the process.

"Well, shall we go now, Clark?" Lois asked. "I'm sure the others are worried about us."

Just then, a phone rang.

"The heck?!" Both of them asked as Clark answered it.

"Hello?" Clark answered as he held the phone to Lois.

"It's for you, Lois." Clark said. "It's your agent."

"Oh." Lois said. "Thank you."

Lois then took the receiver.

"So Marty, what've you got?" Lois asked. "A commercial? How much? Okay."

Lois hung up and went to Clark.

"Um…" Lois said. "You'll probably wanna go ahead without me. There's a job that's going to pay me well, but it'll keep me in town a few more days than the whole group can afford, and I'll catch up to you, okay?"

Clark just stared blankly at her.

"Well…" Lois said, aware that Clark didn't really think she was coming back. "Bye."

Lois walked off, upset with herself that she was leaving Clark heartbroken, but going on anyway.

* * *

At the screening, the film suddenly deteriorated and stopped showing as everyone at the theater complained.

"Hey, what happened?" Clark asked.

"The film ripped!" Chloe up in the projector room called out.

"What do you mean it ripped?!" Thea called out insanely as Selina and Bruce had to hold her down.

"Don't worry Thea." Clark assured him. "Your big scene is coming up."

"Yeah, yeah." Bruce said. "Just calm down and eat something."

"Okay." Dinah said as she began eating her popcorn bucket.

"Well, that was easy." Selina sighed.

* * *

Intermission time! Take a break. Read a book. Take a walk. Or watch the latest Atop the Fourth Wall. With how often this fic's been updated, you've got time.


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